‘Jac here…’
Without introduction one of my clients went into a frustration rant:
“I will never ever be okay. I have been working on myself for I don’t know how long and have seen umpteen psychs and shrinks. When will I see my life turn normal?”
I don’t have a clue what normal looks like, but I did understand her. She managed her normal day job, but boy, did that drain her energy.
And just when she finally thought she could enjoy some peace and quiet in her free time, her body would shoot into a total spasm that would hammer out the last bit of energy. Huddling up would then be her obligatory activity for the rest of the weekend.
But a lot had improved over time, as well. It seemed like a good idea to me to shed light on that and clearly mark how much had changed already. So, neatly in accordance with the solution focussed approach, I repeatedly gave back every single improvement that she could remember. Predictably followed by ‘And what else?’
At one point I could no longer remember every improvement, and I blurted: ‘Well, isn’t that quite a lot?!’
Silence. Followed by a light sobbing that quickly grew into a serious weeping storm.
‘Huh?’ I uttered.
‘Yeah, quite a lot indeed. And all of them improvements.
But every improvement is a change. That makes for a lot of changes. And you know that I am autistic. So I don’t handle changes too well. Positive or not.’
Dumbfounded and all, I could still enjoy the clarity of her twisted thought. And there was no arguing with it, as usual.
Her tears dried up, and it seemed as if a new reality was dawning.
By now I know perfectly well how to work more slowly. And when we think back to this conversation we see it as a tipping point. And it makes us both smile.
But it did teach me a valuable lesson: get curious, stay curious. Especially when I think I understand it quite well.
For most people are quite different.